I want to tell my surgeon to please give any future patient that is facing this surgery my name and phone number, so that they will have a better idea of what they are preparing to face. Because I was not prepared for this.

I knew it would take a while. I knew that part of the incision would be left open to heal on its own, in order to reduce the risk of a fistula that would require further surgery. But I really had no idea of the extent of what I would be facing. I didn’t realize that two weeks after the surgery, I’d still feel like this. With no discernable end in sight.

Four weeks from now…. Six weeks from now, more realistically, I’ll be on the fabled Other Side, and I’ll be glad. But damn. I’m going to freaking hate October.

6 thoughts on “Meltdown”

  1. It may be easier to see your progress when the viewer is not you.

    Last week this time you spent the entire day in bed. You wanted little or nothing to eat. You were on your pain meds constantly. You were not fun.

    Today you were hardly in bed at all. You ate well. Advil handled the pain. You hugged me several times.

  2. ‘Tis very hard to see the progress when the progress is in teeny tiny steps.

    I want to be ALL better tomorrow, please. Thankyouverymuch.

    But Jerry is right. You ARE better….just not ALL better.

    In a week, you will be better, incremently yet again. You will not be ALL better, tho’.

    And that just bites.

  3. I wish I had fluffy things to tell you. I wish I could make it all better. But I understand your frustration. And I know it sucks. But Jerry and Nancy are both right.. you’re making progress. Period. Which beats the alternative.

    Keep your eye on the prize, champ. 🙂

  4. Like I said, this time next year, you’ll be flying, and you’ll never look back. I hate it for you–I have a problem with catastrophizing–taking a painful situation or feeling and just assuming that it will get worse and worse and last forever and ruin my life. Don’t let yourself do that–this will make your life SO much better. It’s an investment!

  5. Elaine, I’ve never been through it. So I got nothing. I’ll just remind you that you lead a very active life. And the problem was keeping you from doing the things you wanted to do and enjoy. The worst is over. Now it’s just a steep hill to climb. Love ya

  6. You are entitled to a meltdown!
    Melting down doesn’t mean that you’re giving up or catastrophizing, which I hate as much as anyone. But sometimes, a meltdown is what you need to cleanse your soul. I’m so sorry, Elaine.
    Keep taking those baby steps….

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