Day: June 23, 2005

Mornings

I am not a morning person. I’m more of a morning person than my mother-in-law, but she’s the kind of person that gets stressed out by meetings scheduled for 9am. I’m more of a morning person than Jerry. But I’m still not a morning person.

Alice, however, is a morning person. This is probably the only thing I actively dislike about her personality. I also recognize that it is her wiring, and will likely never change.

I was the only night owl in a house full of morning people growing up, and I made them just as miserable as they made me. And I’m *still* not a morning person, and they *still* don’t understand how I can stay up so late.

Helen is a morning person right now, but I know that this is temporary. She takes a while to wake up — the sign of a night owl — so I know that once I get *her* room-darkening shades installed (this weekend, probably), we might get some more sleep out of her in the mornings. It’s working for Alice — she’s now sleeping until 6:15ish, which is probably about the best we can hope for… But Helen? Helen could probably sleep until 7:30 or even later if her room stayed dark. So I’m going to do what I can.

This morning my night-owl tendencies are torturing me. Alice woke us up heinously early, as is her custom, so I fed her and once Helen was up, we all went downstairs to watch cartoons (mostly so I can lounge on the sofa and catnap while Helen eats breakfast and Alice totters around the room). Helen kept coming to sit ON me (she’s been kind of clingy lately), so my catnaps were interrupted. Plus, I pretty much have to sleep with one eye open to make sure Alice isn’t putting foreign objects into her mouth. I swear, if it fits IN her mouth, she’ll put it in there and then walk around, looking like a gerbil with full pouches. Helen didn’t do this, so it’s a strange new world.

Now Helen is at playschool and Alice is napping, and I’m torn. I could go take my shower, which is what I *should* do. Or I could go get a decent nap until she wakes up. And then just let her scream in her crib while I take a shower. Would that make me a bad person?

I’m SO tired. Why do I stay up so late? I *KNOW* better. Every day I tell myself I’m going to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Every night, as it gets later and later, I’m thinking, “I. Am. An. Idiot.” And yet I stay up. Again and again and again. And then try to catch up with a single nap on the weekends. Am I *stupid*?

Okay, then. I’m going to go nap now. And then tonight? TONIGHT I’m going to go to bed at a REASONABLE HOUR. This means BEFORE 11pm. Really. I mean it this time.