First Loves

One of my students is in a lot of pain right now, because of issues involving the disruption of her relationship with her First Love. Those of you who have been there, you know what I mean — that first one is SO much more intense just because it’s so new and those emotions haven’t been experienced before. So those first wounds are so deep, because you haven’t ever seen yourself heal from something like that before. But believe me — all of us adult women have had a first love that probably didn’t last, and all of us have survived it. It sucks while you’re in the trenches, but the stories you’ll have! Get through today, and then tomorrow, and then the next day. It WILL be worth it, no matter the outcome of this current crisis; trust me. And every guy you date after the First Love will be compared to the First Love, from here on out. Why do we do that? ……

My First Love situation is a little different, in that I thought it was Boy 1 and it actually was Boy 2. I was so wrapped up in Boy 1 that I didn’t realize my feelings for Boy 2 until another girl tried to sweep in. Her name was Jojo. I never met her. Probably better for her that way — ha. I will always have a soft spot for Boy 2, though… He wasn’t the right man for me ultimately, and somehow I knew that at 17, but wow…. As someone so eloquently said at a recent good-bye party, “We had us a time, didn’t we?” Even almost 17 years later, it’s just not possible to put into words the emotional shredding that the dissolution of a First Love can do. I still get a little emotional thinking about it. The pain fades, sure — you move on — but the memories… the imprint… of that first one. That’ll last. And you’ll still get all puddly and weird when you see pictures from that time, because you remember the newness, the excitement, of those feelings.

I ache for her and for every teenaged girl going through emotional stress. Girls — ladies — please know that you have a full complement of women out here cheering you on. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you’ll find your prince. Ask me how I know. And to my student: please know that you can lean on me. I’m not your mom so I won’t tell you what to do, and I won’t snitch to her unless I’m frightened by something you tell me. But you can trust me, OK? I’ve known you for almost 6 years now, right? And I love you, kid. You’re dear to me and I want to be someone you can lean on if you need it.

Take care, and I’ll be here if you need me. But I’m not going to meddle, because that’s freakish. But I’m here. Just know that.