I’m working through a process for the fourth time right now… It’s called The Artist’s Way, and it originated in a book by Julia Cameron that a drama professor suggested I read my senior year in college. I read it, worked through it (it’s a 12-step program for recovering your creativity), and it changed me.
Every time I have worked through it, it has changed me.
We just finished Week 2, and one of the things that we talk about during Week 2 is Crazymakers — you know who they are… The people that just bring unnecessary tension to your life. And why they do it.
In my lifetime, I have excised Crazymakers many times. Some very recently. What stinks about this is frequently when you do this, you lose auxiliary friends (or drift away from them) at the same time… But when you make the choice to get rid of a Crazymaker, you have to weigh the risks with the benefits and decide if the auxiliary friends are worth the frustrations of the Crazymaker. In most cases, they’re not.
But I’m struggling with one in particular right now. I miss the auxiliary friend, because we were friends long before I got to know the Crazymaker. I have ZERO interest in associating with the Crazymaker — my life is so much better with her out of it. But I miss the auxiliary friend a lot. A LOT.
I’m also having trouble with the Artist’s Way process this time around because carving out time for myself to write stream-of-consciousness blather every day is proving to be a big challenge for me. I was going to try to hand-write it (as prescribed in the book), but that doesn’t seem to be working. Doing the three pages of writing on the computer isn’t really an option right now either, since the laptop is on the fritz and we don’t know when we will be able to replace it.
So I really need to figure this out. The writing is VERY important to the process — without the writing I won’t get anywhere NEAR as much out of it. And since I’m the facilitator for our Artist’s Way Group on ScrapShare, I kinda gotta stay with it. The last three times I’ve gone through this, I haven’t actually finished. Last time I got the closest — made it to week 9 before I was put on bedrest with Alice and didn’t care anymore. But that second trimester energy surge was seriously amplified because of The Artist’s Way.
Anyway.
Maybe this will count as today’s Morning Pages, since I’m just rambling.
But I miss the auxiliary friend, who isn’t really auxiliary at all. She was my friend first, dammit. But I haven’t been a good friend to her lately. I’ve been sort of absent — pulling away because of the Crazymaker. And that’s not good. I need to cultivate the original friendship again.
Still not sorry that the Crazymaker is out of the picture, though, even though I occasionally find myself spinning my wheels about her, which is stupid. She just sucks the energy right out of my life. OUT OUT DAMNED SPOT!
Heh. That felt good. 😀