Hints from Well-Intentioned Rude People

Why is it that when you vent about something going on in your life, “helpful” people must always chime in with obnoxious comments intended to make you feel better, that actually end up having quite the opposite effect?

And thus, The List of Things I Will Never Ever Say:

To a high school student:
“It only gets harder in college.”
“You have no idea what ‘a lot of homework’ really is.”
“You couldn’t pay me to go back to high school.”

To a college student:
“Just wait until you’re out in the real world — it’s SO much harder.”
“Yeah, but you still have your parents to fall back on.”
“You think life’s tough now? All you have to do is study and party. The rest of the world has to WORK.”

To a person complaining about their boyfriend/girlfriend:
“Marriage is so much harder than what you’re dealing with.”
“When are we going to be at your wedding?”
“When are you going to dump this loser?”

To a newlywed:
“So I guess the honeymoon’s over?”
“Never thought it would be this hard, did you?”

To a pregnant woman or expecting couple:
“Enjoy it while you can, because once that baby gets here you won’t be able to … [insert whatever activity they enjoy]”
“In a few months, you’ll understand what tired really means.”
“In a few months, you’ll be wanting to put that baby back IN.”

And now… the ones I’m living now, with commentary…

To the parents of a particularly difficult toddler:
“Enjoy these times. You’ll miss them.” Honestly? I don’t think I will. People told me I’d miss the baby stages. I DO NOT. I don’t like babies. At all. Never really have. I enjoy snuggling with them when they’re sleeping. I enjoy the freshly-washed baby smell. But the rest of it? Don’t miss it at all. I don’t expect that I ever will. And aspects of my children’s personalities that are specific to their ages? I’m sure I’ll miss the phrasing and the funny comments they make. But the continual droning of my name and the constant begging for things when I’ve already said no about fifteen times? Not going to miss that. The way I feel around 5pm every day? Not going to miss that. The way I dread getting up to face another damn day of it? Not going to miss that.

“She won’t go to college in diapers.” Thanks for that. I know that. I just want her to go to freaking PRESCHOOL at this point, and she can’t go THERE in diapers either.

“She’s just testing you.” Thanks. Your profound statement has changed my life. I see it all so clearly now.

“Just wait until she’s a teenager.” Thanks. I’m already having nightmares. You don’t have to remind me.

“Don’t blink. It flies by in an instant.” I’m sure when I’m on the other side of all of this, I’ll agree with you. But right now, I’m stuck in the trenches of preschooler hell, and I hate it. I keep praying for that instant you keep mentioning, and one day I’m sure I’ll be sorry I didn’t “cherish” these times, as you suggest, but right now? Right now I just want to get through the day without ripping my hair out. Or hers. Or yours, for SAYING that to me in the first place.

I’m sure I’ll add to this list.

But don’t be one of those people. Erase these phrases from your vernacular immediately, and STOP telling people stuff like this. It’s irritating. CRAZY irritating, to people that are insanely frustrated already.

Don’t add to the insanity. Thanks.

New Theme

Greetings from the goat… We are experimenting with a new look for the site, so things might be changing a bit for the next few days while we get settled in. Thanks for your patience!

OH, and yes — we know the page is PAINFULLY slow to load. Working on that, too. Thanks!!

A day in the life

Just a minute.
Helen, I’m on the PHONE.
Alice, put that back.
Why is the refrigerator open?
Where is your sister?
Where’s Alice?
What’s Alice doing?
What’s that noise?
Why is the water running?
Alice, where do we go potty?
Helen, don’t bite your sister.
YES, Helen.
No, you may not have ice cream until after dinner.
No more junk food.
You may have carrots.
No, you may not have cookies.
I have already answered that question.
Alice, go get dressed.
Alice, why aren’t you dressed?
Alice, put your panties back on.
Alice, where are your panties?
Helen, go find your shoes.
Please stop saying my name like that.
What did you say?
I’m sorry, I can’t understand you when you whine like that.

I think I’m going to be one of those parents that squeals out of the parking lot on the first day of school.