Numb

In the middle of the night last night, I woke up to the sensation that both of my arms were almost totally asleep from the shoulders down because I was apparently sleeping on them. I’ve had this happen one or two times before, but this is the first time I didn’t panic. I just rolled over onto my back, and my arms and hands flopped around while I got situated and the feeling returned to them.

The weirdest thing is that my right hand flopped onto my face, and it felt like someone else’s hand sitting there. I knew it was my hand and not that of the boogy monster, because I could feel *something* in my hand, but it’s a very strange sensation all the same, especially when my arms are so numb that I can’t even move them to get the hand OFF my face. Freaky.

I was back to sleep almost instantly, because I don’t remember lying there pondering the tingling as my arms woke up.

This morning Helen, Alice, and I walked across the neighborhood to MaryO’s back yard for a poolside luncheon. On the way, the stroller went all wonky on me and discovered that one of the wheels is very very loose. When I got there, Mary got me a screwdriver (not the drink — the tool… Alas) and I pried off the wheel cover and tried to make a diagnosis. Everything in there except the axle is plastic, so I was afraid to do anything (in light of the experience with the Z on my keyboard 2 weeks ago… The key is still missing; it’s in a Ziploc bag on my fridge at the moment with its other part). So I just put it all back together and Mary and I did a car switcheroo to get us all home in time for naps.

Mary remarked that I was being very quiet this morning. I’m not normally quiet. I just said, “I’m tired,” but then realized once I got back here that I’m probably still pretty subdued because of William. Every time I sing “You Are My Sunshine” to Alice or Helen (which is several times a day) I think of William’s mom… Specifically, this verse:

The other night, dear, when I lay sleeping
I dreamt I held you in my arms
When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and cried.

Yeah. Really happy song. So I think I’ll find a new one until the part of me that’s still weeping for him isn’t so… omnipresent. My other favorite song to sing to them is “Amazing Grace,” but they sang that at his funeral. So. Please enter suggestions for lullaby-type songs that I can sing to my girls in the comments below… “Summertime” from Porgy & Bess is one of my old reliables, too. I guess I should dust that one off.

And maybe I won’t lie awake, aware of the tingles, as this numbness dissipates either.